It’s extremely hard to be funny in the written word, so much so that you should probably not even try. Which makes this ad all the more remarkable, because it is very funny.
But lets present the original inspiration for it. Weeks ago, a woman goes into a dealership trying to sell her car and leaves because they didn’t want her business. So much so, that she takes to the internet and creates a masterpiece that actually gives her customers that she never anticipated!
First, the ad in full. It has been taken down but you can still view in its original glory on the Wayback Machine. It’s title was, “1999 Toyota Corolla — Fine AF.”
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that’s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let’s talk about features.
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it’s got a transparent rear window and you have a neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car’s got history. It’s seen things. People have done straight things in this car. People have done other things in this car. It’s not going to judge you like a Volkswagen would.
This car’s exterior color is gray, but it’s interior color is grey.
In the owner’s manual, oil is listed as “optional.””
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It’s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It’s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.”
Let’s face the facts, this car isn’t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. This isn’t the car you want, it’s the car you deserve: The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
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